Q: I’m not happy in my marriage, should I get a divorce?
A: Here’s the thing about not being happy in a marriage, no one is happy 100% all of the time, but that does not mean that taking the easy way out and getting a divorce is the answer. The question you have to ask yourself is, do you want to live your life without your partner in it? That’s hat it comes down to. You can get help and try to find ways to make yourself happy, together. Maybe your partner isn’t happy either, talk to him or her and open the lines of comunication. If this effort proves to be fruitless, perhaps divorce is the answer so that you can both move on and find happiness in your lives, either alone or with someone else. However, the truth is that unless you’re happy with yourself, you’re never going to find happiness with someone else. Work on yourself before you truly move on.
“But we have kids, we can’t get a divorce. We have to stay together because of the kids.” This is, to me, the most bizarre way of thinking and I dont know how responsible adults, who chose to bring children into the world, can think this way. Do you not think the kids are aware of your situation? Do you not think that when you fight, it doesn’t affect the children? The only outcome of this situation is resentment from your children for selfishly putting them through that. That is nothing but a poor excuse and self-centred thinking. My parents were married for twenty five years, for a few years they began to feel unhappy and discontent, when they started fighting on a regular basis and when their fighting started affecting us, do you know what they did? They separated. Eventually they divorced and it was the best thing they could have done for us and for themselves, my mother never re-married, but in time, she has found great happiness on her own. My father is happily remarried and my parents remain good friends, occasionally they all go golfing together. This may sound strange to other people but, it has allowed us a normal upbringing and enabled us to maintain respect and healthy relationships with both of our parents and respectful relationships for ourselves. They truly did what was best for us. My parents, divorced, have a better relationship than most if my friends’ parents who are married.
Above all, if divorce is the only option to salvage your lives, then do it to maintain respect for each other, if it’s not working, get out at a time that will allow you both to move on and perhaps find the person you were meant to be with. If you both feel your marriage is worth working on, then you definitely have enough love for each other to make it worth working hard to make it work.
A marriage means you have to work hard, compromise, and make sacrifices. No marriage is easy, if you think it’s not going to be hard work, you’re wrong. Every day is hard work, but in the end, your hard work will pay off when you grow old together and become one of those 80 year old couples that you see who are walking hand in hand an are obviously still in love. Do you think it was easy for them? No. But they have found the secret to true happiness in every aspect of our lives, hard work.