I recently came in contact with someone here on wordpress who is going through a break-up, and he’s having a tough go of it. The truth is, break-ups are often devastating for those involved. I don’t believe there are any rules about how to get over it, but, I do think I know a way to make it easier on yourself and those around you; let’s be honest, there are very few situations more difficult than trying to be there for a friend who is going through a break up.
First, let’s deal with some issues surrounding the break-up. Time, commitment, involvement, and the circumstances of the break-up will determine how easy it will be to get over. Someone with a boyfriend or girlfriend for a month, should not compare their situation with someone whose marriage of 25 years has just ended. Although, everyone will swear that their break-up is different and unique, time will pass and you will eventually see how insignificant it is (if of course it happens after a month). Now, of course if it is a 25 year marriage, it will take years to get over. There are so many aspects of your lives that have intertwined that it will feel as though you lost a piece of yourself. it will also take a lot of support, encouragement, and strength to dust yourself off and try to move on with your life. It is often after these long marriages that people might feel that it’s not worth it, if this is indeed the case, a trained professional, minister, priest, or rabbi will be of enormous help. Never go it alone if you are having those kinds of feelings.
It will also depend on whether or not, you were the one broken up with. If this is the case, you have to ask yourself, why am I upset? You have to be completely honest with yourself when answering this question. Is it because it is a blow to the ego that you were broken up with? Is it because you don’t want to be single and have to do it all over again? Or is it really because you miss that person? I’d say most break-ups rarely have to do with the last one. Usually when broken up with, as much as you hate to admit it, it doesn’t come out of the blue. I was with someone who broke up with me, I was devastated, but I realised I really wasn’t in love. I was more angry that I had invested so much time for nothing and also that I was the one broken up with, what a blow to the ego! I didn’t miss my ex, I had previously planned on doing the breaking up and I was the one who ended up getting dumped! DAMN! Anyway, in retrospect, I’m glad it happened, I have happily be in a relationship now for almost 3 years.
Anyway, if you ask yourself what it is that you truly miss about the relationship, you can focus on trying to get past your feelings about that issue.
If you really want to get back together, I’ll be honest, it probably won’t happen and if it does, well it probably won’t last. Take knowledge from these experiences. Knowledge about yourself, knowledge about how you were able to cope with the situation, and don’t ever feel ashamed for feeling what you do. After the previous break-up I mentioned before, my ex told people that I cried and my ex though it was kind of sad. A friend spoke up for me and said this, “He had the opportunity to experience a deep, passionate and emotional love. I don’t feel sad for him, because he experienced something you didn’t. I feel sad for you because you didn’t.” This friend was someone who I found out was interested in me and we dated for a while too, not anymore, but I will never forget those words. p.s. The ex who dumped me, has tried to get me back on numerous occasions, and I have moved wayyyyy past.
The point that I really want to get across is that, if you have been broken up with or are in the midst of a break-up, have faith and know that these feelings won’t last forever. Every day it gets easier. Pretty soon, you will have moved on and will eventually forget your ex. I look back and think of my past relationships as previous lives, and the person I was then is only a fragment of the man I am today. I’m very proud of the man I am today and the man I have become and I am grateful for my past relationships because they are a part of what made me who I am. I wouldn’t change a thing, well, of course there are some things I wish I had said or done differently. But, that’s life and I’ve moved on enough that I very rarely ever think of those things. Just as you will too. Baby steps, one day at a time. Any other cliches I can add?
Good luck, all the best and take care of you.